Xena: Warrior Disclaimers

Here are some disclaimers seen on the Xena:  Warrior Princess show through Season 3. 


These are in no particular order!


ATHENS CITY ACADEMY OF THE PERFORMING BARDS

“The producers would like to acknowledge and pay tribute to Stanley Kubrick, Kirk Douglas, and all those who were involved with the making of the film classic “Spartacus”.”

WARRIOR…PRINCESS

“Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana, were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

DEATH IN CHAINS

“No Jumbo-Sized Cocktail Rats were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

INTIMATE STRANGERS

“Argo was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.  However, she is undergoing intensive psychotherapy to help her work through her resentment and feelings of distrust toward Xena.”

PROMETHEUS

“Iolaus was harmed during the production of this motion picture.  However, the Green Egg Men went on to live long and prosperous lives.”

WARRIOR…PRINCESS…TRAMP

“Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana, were harmed during production of this motion picture.  Meg, however, suffered minor injuries while preparing Aardvark nuggets for King Lias.”

HOOVES AND HARLOTS

“No Males, Centaurs, or Amazons were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

ULYSSES

“Despite Gabrielle’s incessant hurling, Ulysses’ ship was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

RETURN OF CALLISTO

“Although Xena finally conquered her dark nemesis Callisto, it her weeks to get the sand out of her leather unmentionables.”

THE EXECUTION

“By popular demand, The Executioner will bring back his comfortable lightweight cotton-flax blend robe in a variety of spring colors.”

LOST MARINER

“Cecrops’ Joie de Vivre was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

THE XENA SCROLLS

“No Hollywood producers were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

ORPHAN OF WAR

“No Sleazy Warlords who deem in necessary to drink magic elixirs that turn them into scaly Centaurs were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

ALTARED STATES

“No Unrelenting or Severely Punishing Deities were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

THE GREATER GOOD

“Excessive belching can cause brain damage and social ostracism.  Kids, please don’t give in to peer pressure.  Play it safe.”

A NECESSARY EVIL

“The reputation of the Amazon Nation was not harmed despite Velaska’s overly radical adherence to an otherwise valid belief system.”

BEWARE GREEKS BEARING GIFTS

“No oversized Polynesian-style Bamboo Horses were harmed during the production of this motion picture.   However, many wicker lawn chairs gave their lives.”

GIANT KILLER

“No Bible myths or icons were irreparable mangled during the production of this motion picture.”

DESTINY

“Julius Caesar was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.  However, the producers deny any responsibility for any unfortunate acts of betrayal causing some discomfort.”

CRADLE OF HOPE

“No Babies were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

REMEMBER NOTHING

“Xena’s memory was not damaged or…what was I saying.”

CALLISTO

“Joxer’s nose was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.  However, his crossbow was severly damaged.”

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

“No Bloodsucking Bacchae were harmed during the production of this motion picture.  However, a few Dryads lost their heads.”

IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

“Being that war is hell, lots of people were harmed during the production of this motion picture (but since television is a dramatic medium of make-believe, all casualties removed their prosthetic makeup and went home unscathed).”

MORTAL BELOVED

“No Winged Harpies were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

A COMEDY OF EROS

“No cherries were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

DEATH MASK

“No messenger doves were harmed during the production of this motion picture.  However, several are reportedly missing in action and search-and-rescue efforts are underway.”

A SOLSTICE CAROL

“Senticles was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.  However, several chimneys are in dire need of repair.”

TEN LITTLE WARLORDS

“No one was harmed during the production of this motion picture.  However, Xena’s ability to recover her body was severly impeded by Lucy Lawless’ unexpected mishap”

BLIND FAITH

“Once again, Gabrielle’s luck with men was harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

“The producers wish to acknowledge the inspiration of Danny Kaye and pay tribute to the classic motion picture The Court Jester.”

A FISTFUL OF DINARS

“No Ambrosia was spilled, spoiled, or in any way harmed during the production of this motion picture.   (Thanks to the indefinite shelf life of marshmallows.)”

ROYAL COUPLE OF THIEVES

“No Ancient and Inflexible governing moral behaviors were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

THE PRICE

“To show sympathy for the Horde,”  Kaltaka was only served upon request during the production of this motion picture.”

TIES THAT BIND

“No Fathers, Spiritual or Biological, were harmed during the production of this motion picture.”

THE QUEST

“Xena’s body was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.  However, it took weeks for Autolycus to get his swagger back.”

A DAY IN THE LIFE

No Slippery Eels were harmed during the production of this motion picture despite their reputation as a fine delicacy in select cultures of the known world.”

HERE SHE COMES…MISS AMPHIPOLIS

“No ribbons were harmed during the production of this motion picture.  However, several experienced severe motion sickness.”


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