{"id":260,"date":"2015-01-17T17:37:41","date_gmt":"2015-01-18T00:37:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.magicwolf.com\/wanderings\/?page_id=260"},"modified":"2015-01-25T21:28:28","modified_gmt":"2015-01-26T04:28:28","slug":"too-much-information","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.magicwolf.com\/wanderings\/short-stories\/too-much-information\/","title":{"rendered":"Too Much Information"},"content":{"rendered":"

You’ve run into them before.\u00a0 And by the time they’re done with you, you’re looking for somewhere else to run.\u00a0 They’re that strange species known as the Too Much Information People.<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/h4>\n

I have this weird thing where I attract these people who want to tell me all kinds of things about themselves that I’d really rather not know.<\/p>\n

At my old part-time job, I went into the break room to grab a pop and a candy bar (because breakfast is the most important meal of the day).<\/p>\n

The payroll guy, Bob, was in there sloshing around a Slime Fast shake. He said a couple of casual, normal enough things and I made the mistake of saying something about the can of Slime Fast being his snack-break or whatever.<\/p>\n

I had no idea what I was in for.<\/p>\n

He proceeded to tell me that he likes them because “they kept him regular”!<\/p>\n

Well I didn’t see that coming.<\/p>\n

I shrieked mentally to myself in horror and looked wildly around for a direction to run.\u00a0 This has happened before, but not with that particular subject.\u00a0 I was utterly flabbergasted.<\/p>\n

I threw the coins into the vending machine with lightning speed whilst he continued to ramble on about “his daughter would go only about once every 10 days. 10 days! Could I imagine that? [He] didn’t know how she could stand to go only once every 10 days. Wouldn’t I think that would make a person feel ill? [He’d] get all bound up if it took him that long.\u00a0 Boy, he didn’t know how she did that…”\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I looked at my reflection in the vending machine and startled myself at how obvious my horror was. I don’t think Bob cared, though. He was utterly oblivious, entranced with his own story-weaving skills.<\/p>\n

I looked frantically around then to make sure no one else was even remotely close to the break room. What if someone heard him and there I stood, like I had something to do with his family’s bowel woes!<\/em> I shifted my weight from foot to foot in preparation to bolt.\u00a0 I didn’t want anyone thinking I had anything to do with his babbling about being bound up like the Hoover Dam. Yeeesh.<\/p>\n

What kinds of visions did he think that would promote?\u00a0 Bob on the john? ARGH! Noooooo!<\/em>\u00a0 It’s the stuff nightmares are made of.<\/p>\n

I mumbled, “Uh-huh, uh-huh…hmmm, fascinating…gottagonowbye!”<\/p>\n

Thankfully, the vending machines spewed their wares without jamming and I was able to run for cover back to my desk and wipe the sweat from my brow. Not that I felt like eating anything anymore.<\/p>\n

Shortly thereafter, I left my part-time job there and was riding along on a paper route with some guy. Harmless enough, eh?<\/p>\n

I should have been prepared but I was tired and he blind-sided me. THAT guy proceeds to tell me how he “wasn’t feeling great, had the runs, I knew how that was, right?\u00a0 Stomach trouble, must have eaten something…blah, blah…”<\/p>\n

ARGHHHHH!<\/em> I scream internally. Not again!<\/em> What do I look like, a giant roll of Charmin?<\/p>\n

It’s simply amazing some of the things people you don’t really know will dump (no pun intended) at your feet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You’ve run into them before.\u00a0 And by the time they’re done with you, you’re looking for somewhere else to run.\u00a0 They’re that strange species known as the Too Much Information People. I have this weird thing where I attract these people who want to tell me all kinds of things about themselves that I’d really […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":223,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.magicwolf.com\/wanderings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/260"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.magicwolf.com\/wanderings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.magicwolf.com\/wanderings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.magicwolf.com\/wanderings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.magicwolf.com\/wanderings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=260"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.magicwolf.com\/wanderings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/260\/revisions"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.magicwolf.com\/wanderings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/223"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.magicwolf.com\/wanderings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=260"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}